If you're walking through the forest and stumble across a dead body, what's the first thing you should do? Check your map, because you're obviously going in circles.
Give a man a plane ticket and he flies for the day, but push him out of the plane at 3,000 feet and he'll fly for the rest of his life.
How do you find a blind man at a nude beach? It isn't hard.
I told him, "I don't think they have what you're looking for, sir."
I once saw a one-handed man in a second-hand store.
It's my last chance to have a smokin' hot body.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
Do you want to hear a joke about my vagina? Never mind, you'll never get it.
What do you do if your wife starts smoking? Slow down and use some lubricant.
But careless Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.
Jack and Jill went up the hill to have a little fun.
Did you hear about the man who ran in front of a bus? He got tired.
Sex is like a burrito, don't unwrap or that baby's in your lap.
I hear so many good things about him, but he only visits our home once a year, and I never even see him. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day.
Did you hear about the man who was accidentally buried alive? It was a grave mistake.
What do you call a nanny with breast implants? A faux-pair.
What did the elephant ask the naked man? "How do you breathe out of that thing?".
What's a 6.9? Another great thing screwed up by a period.
Why did the snowman suddenly smile? He could see the snowblower coming.
How do you get a man with only one arm out of a tree? Wave.
I'll never forget my grandma's last words: "What are you doing in here with that hammer?".
What's brown and really bad for your dental health? A baseball bat.
What did the banana say to the vibrator? "Why are you shaking? She's going to eat me!".
What do you call a guy who cries when he masturbates? A tearjerker.
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? You can unscrew a lightbulb.
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records, but then the librarian told me to take it out.